Tapping Congress with a Wrench

Whoo hoo! So the threat of government shut down has been averted for...another week? Or until November 8?


Whoo the heck who! Who potty-trained these people? I'm sitting here with a copy of the US Constitution. Section 8 spells out the powers of Congress and the very first line says:

The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States...


But apparently modern Congress is reading this a different way:

Congress shall take an oath never to raise Taxes, especially on the people who donate to our campaigns; Congress will routinely threaten to default on debts authorized by previous Congresses and will do all possible to damage the faith and credit of the United States. Congress will ignore the greater good of the nation because it is time to go home and have a recess. Congress will argue over every "continuing resolution" and create crisis after crisis.


I've looked. I just don't see the above section in any part of the Constitution.

School children can and should enjoy recess. Adults, however, are required to work until the job is done. Congress has not passed a Budget in many, many years. A Budget says: here's how much money we have and here are the bills that have to be paid; here's where we will invest for the future and here's where we will cut back on what is not working. I know that unexpected things happen; when they do, one should pass special funding measures--put more money into disaster relief or fight a war. My problem is that Congress is not doing its job. The Congress is supposed to hash out priorities, root out corruption and look to the future.

Congress isn't doing this. In a previous blog, I talked about the effect of safe districts, the distraction of fund raising and the drag of Senate procedure. None of that crap is going to be fixed soon, so how do we, the voters, tap on Congress to get the stuck engine to restart?


Call and ask your Representative in the House why he is not in Washington when the work of the nation has not yet been done. Tell him you don't want to see his sorry ass in the district until Congress has passed a budget to fund the government for a full fiscal year.

House of Representatives - 
(type your zip in the corner to look up your own member if you don't know)

Tell him that the Congressional gym needs to be padlocked, the hot water heaters turned off in the House and Senate bathrooms and legislative staff needs to be laid off before one productive government employee is cut loose. Tell him federal roads and bridges need to be repaired, no matter what, because we are stuck using the roads until Congress can come up with an alternative. Tell him air traffic controllers are still needed to keep order in the sky and effective security measures needed to keep passengers and planes safe. Tell him that the national park system is a treasure that puts money in the nation's pocket. The Grand Canyon and the foreign tourists it attracts is $$$$ in the bank now and for the future. Tell him that 600,000 top security clearances* is too many; that is wasteful, costly and no way to keep the nation's secrets. It is yet another symptom that Congress is not overseeing the nation's intelligence community. The list of good things that the government does is long, despite the critics of government.

Tell your member of Congress that just as a kid doesn't get a recess until his homework is done, he shouldn't be taking one until Congress does its first, most basic job: pass a budget! I'm not even calling for a balanced budget at this point! Pass a budget that allows the mundane work of the government to get done, the bills to get paid and then fight over the big areas where the right and left disagree. Until this basic task is done, members of the House should eat take-out in the Capitol, sleep on the floor of the Chamber and work without stopping UNTIL THE JOB is done.

Same goes for the Senate.

To my Congressman, I love you. You actually had the guts to vote against Bush's ill-advised war with Iraq. Sorry, but you should stay in school with all the bad kids and the class cut-ups and do all you can to help them do their job. It's one of those times that nobody graduates or gets a pass to the next grade UNTIL the job is done.

*Washington Post - Top Secret America

How to Fix Congress

In response to my previous column on duct tape, a correspondent has asked if duct tape can't fix Congress would the "other method" help?

The other method of fixing things is to spray the object with WD-40 and then hit it with a wrench. I do not believe that this would help Congress as this is basically the same thing as "term limits". People, and all evidence shows that Congress is composed of people, cannot be improved with WD-40 and blunt instruments.

Nor is the solution to vote out the idiots we currently have and put in new idiots. Past history shows that the new idiots, once they learn enough to be useful, start acting just like the old idiots. This is an indication of systemic failure. What we see now in Congress is the result of forces, some of them present from the earliest days of the Republic, some the result of procedural changes in the Senate and some from forces outside government.

Three changes could be made that would make Congress a functioning institution again:

1. ABOLISH GERRYMANDERING - "Gerrymander" is one of those colorful American coinages to describe the practice of drawing up voting districts to benefit a political party. What happens is that as the state legislature redraws the political map after every census, "safe districts" are carved out, often by mutual agreement. Notable instances include the "earmuff" shape of the 4th Congressional District in Illinois and the 2003 lobster-shaped Texas District 22 which sent Tom DeLay to Washington. Gerrymandering reduces voter turnout, hardens partisan politics and discourages real campaigning. It is also against the law. The only solution is for voters to keep an eye on the process and to sue to have the law enforced. We shouldn't have to, but gerrymandering or "packing and cracking" are corrupt practices. Lots worse than tweeting pics of your naked abs.

Geographic definition and History of the Term

wikipedia on Gerrymandering -See Examples to view the Earmuff and the Lobster

2. REFORM SENATE PROCEDURES - Jimmy Stewart starred in a wonderful movie "Mr Smith Goes to Washington" where he played a young Senator filibustering to save the Boys Ranch. The modern filibuster does not work like that. First, the Senate only takes up business by unanimous consent, so one member can delay the consideration of a bill. This is why necessary legislation to re-authorize the FAA was not passed this year. The Senate also allows secret or "Mae West Holds". See the Mae West Hold --is that a banana in your pocket, Bill? This was used by the Democrats late in Bush's last term against some of his court appointments and by the GOP against Obama to prevent him from making appointments after he took office. The federal department that oversaw the oil companies and offshore drilling leases was one affected by this--so nobody was watching what BP was doing out in the Gulf. Finally, Senate rules allow multiple filibusters on the same issue, so a filibuster can be mounted against a vote to close debate on a bill  (cloture) and then on the bill itself. Senators don't have to actually filibuster either, just threaten to do so. As a result, the Senate doesn't take up many small bills, examine each one closely and pass or vote them down on their merits. Leadership cobbles together huge omnibus bills in the hopes that something in the separate parts will appeal to enough Senators that the creature will pass. This makes for sausage and not for good legislation. The solution: pass rules that make the filibuster the last resort rather than the first partisan option, abolish secret holds, and do away with multiple filibusters. If a Senator wants to hold up Senate business, let him (or maybe someday her) do so. But make him stand on his own two feet in the full light of day in front of the TV cameras and actually filibuster -- just like Jimmy Stewart. The filibuster is a useful tool that the minority has to force reconsideration on some topic. It is not useful when it is used all day, every day, in secret, to thwart the will of the people and to uphold secret and special interests.

3. ELIMINATE THE BIGGEST SOURCE OF LAWMAKER DISTRACTION - we elect people to Congress and send them to Washington to represent us, pass good laws and to consider the greater interest of America. Sadly, once they are there, each Representative is faced with the certainty that in two years, he or she will be running for office again. Three-term Congressman Scotty Baesler of Kentucky noted that in 1993 at his orientation for the House of Representatives, he was advised to spend from 4-6 hours every day raising funds for his next campaign. Running for office has only gotten more expensive since then. Our lawmakers do not have time to make laws; they must now fund-raise full time. With big corporate money and no limits, the ordinary voter has scant chance of being heard in the halls of power because his or her Congresspeople are always on the phone to the folks who have the $$$$$. Until this issue is addressed, all grassroots attempts to "take back Washington for the people" will fail.

Scotty Baesler, basketball player, mayor, Kentucky politician - a guy I admire, sadly, no longer in Congress

The price of freedom is eternal vigilance, true. But largest threats to our American republic are always internal: corruption and lack of compromise. Only Congress can take the steps to fix Congress; it is up to the American public to put firecrackers in Congress's shoes and force them to dance the macarena.

Sticky Topic

A correspondent has sent an urgent request for information on Duct Tape.

Some things need to be made clear, right off the bat. Duct tape is not for ducks although it is sometimes called "Duck Tape". Duck Tape is a company that makes duct tape and they sponsor a competition for the most stylish prom wear made from duct tape. Really. Duct tape is used for quick repairs to cars, horses' hooves, clothing and equipment of all sorts. The cheapskate handyman's rule of thumb is: if it is stuck and it shouldn't be, WD40 it and if it has come unstuck, duct tape it. Even the high-tech iPhone 4 needed a duct tape fix:
if I'm left handed I have to hold it that way

Duct tape is said to have started as a military product to repair ammunition cases, and of course it was also used to repair jeeps and as a temporary bandage for wounds. Soldiers brought it home and used it around the house. When someone's cubicle at work needs to be filled with packing peanuts, duct tape is the tool of choice to seal the deal. Even NASA has used it for those vital bodge jobs in space: Duct tape on the moon

Similar products include things like gaffer tape. In Australia and New Zealand, what they call duct tape is different. If you give me money for a plane ticket and some expense money, I'll go check that out. In North America, duct tape refers to "Strong, cloth-backed, waterproof adhesive tape" usually in silver or gray but coming in at least thirty other colors and patterns such as pink zebra. See
a wide selection of colors

All these colors mean that it can be used in a variety of craft and art projects. Almost fashionable clothing, dorky wallets and shoes, a desperation bike lock and a sofa that can no longer be harmed can be seen at this link:
OMG these people are creative...but totally lacking in taste

There is a persistent rumor that duct tape can remove warts. The study that disproved this was flawed, say the wart-removal adherents, because the scientists used clear duct tape and only the traditional silver color, which is rubberized will work. TheFinalWord does not have any warts to test this claim on but notes that if a seven inch strip of duct tape is torn off the roll it will make an effective gag for the person telling you to put duct tape on your warts. No, really, this is a serious study, duuude...

The US Post Office discourages the use of duct tape on packages. People do use it and then laugh themselves sick thinking about the struggles of the recipient to open the package. (And yes, dear correspondent, I did get the box okay, but I have not yet opened it due to fatigue, extreme fatigue, you have no idea how tired I am of looking at that damn box with the damn duct tape.) The post office complains that duct tape messes up their scanners and also gently hints "Use tape that is designed for shipping. Do not use gift wrapping, cellophane tape, duct tape and masking tape as these are not strong enough to withstand temperature fluctuations during transit." It seems unfair to lump duct tape with such namby-pamby products. I believe the real issue is that when duct tape comes unstuck from its original box, it tends to stick to something else such as other mail, the mail man and the mail truck or even the mail box and possibly the post office itself...which is in bad enough shape.

Another use of duct tape that is strongly discouraged is duct taping the door of the dorm room shut and then pulling the fire alarm. This is against the law. For true amusement, put a roll of duct tape in the toilet paper holder at the party. The drunker everybody is, the funnier this will be.

Sadly, the one thing that duct tape is no good at is sealing ducts. The magic boffins at Berkley have said so and I do believe them: If it QUACKS like a duct

P.S. Simple instructions for making a rose from duct tape :Make a Rose

I had a cat once.

I had a cat:

 A veritable terror to songbirds
 Able to catch fast rabbits in a single bound
 Slayer of mice
 Nightstalker
 She-who-vanishes-into-the-blinds
 to sit in the window
 tail hanging out
 God created this companion
 That I might know what it is
 To stroke the tiger

 Long haired Calico
 Of small stature
 Large purr
 Prone to skin conditions
 that required thorough shampooing
 She complained vociferously but never used her claws
 She enjoyed burrowing into the laundry
 and being made into the bed when new sheets were put on
 She was
 that kind of cat...
 An epic in couplet form
 Unrhymed, unmetered, written entirely in free verse
 kind of cat...

 Genki Kiki -- 1983 to 2001 -- the birds now sing without fear.

Storms happen.

Thunder and lightning, the sky grim and dark
Ancient trees groan and crack

Sun shines again on the show grounds,
revealing broken trees, the jump course flattened,
the dressage course in ruins,
and the Porta-Potty lies on its side...

But the rainbow offers a thin consolation...

And the volunteers are called and show up early. The organizer rebuilds the dressage arena. The jump course is set up once more. The technical delegate gives his blessing. The Porta-Potty is righted and hosed out. And...
The show goes on as scheduled.










If this had happened in Washington DC, the Republicans and the Democrats would still be arguing over who was to blame for the storm and trying to score "points" for the next election. They'd be debating whether the show was worth having. Fixing things always seems to fall to the ordinary people. You didn't see any politicians rushing into the burning buildings on 9/11 to try to rescue the victims. If we have to be our own firemen and stand fast against the hard times, it is a bad idea to question the religion, the politics or the sincerity of the guy who is handing you the bucket!

Horse Art and the Originals

Statue to Secretariat - at the entrance to the Visitor's Center

Kentucky Horse Park - Lexington, Kentucky

A dramatic life-size depiction of the great racing legend of our time, this lovely statue also pays tribute to Secretariat's trainer Lucien Laurin and his jockey Ron Turcotte.  The bowed energy of the neck, the thrust of the stride...one sees the racehorse. Here's a wonderful clip, a little grainy and rough, that replays the 1973 Belmont which shows Secretariat going out head to head with the "speed" horses who were supposed to wear him down, duel with the great Sham all down the backstretch and finally distance the pack in the most incredible race I have ever seen if my life:

CBS: 1973 Belmont

Man O'War

This huge statue is 1 and a quarter times life size. Man O'War was a big horse, as a three-year old measuring out at 16.2 hands*. His statue looks to be something like 20 hands high. I know draft horses that big, but Man O'War would not have been as effective a racehorse if he had been that large. Secretariat was "only" 15.2. Not only is that average size for a modern riding horse but that is probably close to ideal.  The Man O'War statue above was commissioned to mark his grave originally on the Riddle farm. Mr. Riddle located it near a road and kept it open to the public, a gallant gesture to the fans of this wonderful horse. The grave and statue, along with the graves of Man O'War's most famous sons, including War Admiral, were moved to the entrance of the Kentucky Horse Park in the early years after the park's founding. Suburban construction and urban sprawl have rolled over the old Riddle farm, but I will never forget seeing this statue in its original setting. One parked at the roadside and walked down an avenue of trees which opened out in a stately circle of dark evergreen. The statue appeared larger and more imposing in that closed setting and one could get closer to it than is presently allowed. Here's a brief commentary on Man O'War's life and times that stitches together old newsreels so we can catch a glimpse of this champion in action and in retirement:

Magnificent Man O'War

Thoroughbred Park
in downtown Lexington Kentucky

This enchanting natural-looking group of statues crowns the little hill on this small park across from the offices of the Lexington Herald Leader. A couple of mares watch over some frisky foals in what looks like a lovely pasture. This is a great park for fans of horse-related art. At street level there's a life-size race going on and there's also a small frequently-overlooked statue of the great foundation sire Lexington. For comparison purposes, I have found a lovely video of a mare and a foal performing for the camera. The mare is responding to signals given by the woman in black in the field; the foal is responding to his mama like a good boy; the audio is suppressed so we don't hear the women clicking to the mare or the thunder of the horse's feet.

Mare and foal

To a horse person, no horse is a generic animal. Yet frequently in art what we see is a generic depiction of a horse. Both the racehorses above were portrayed as real individuals. The mares and foals are generic. I can recognize my own horse in the field at a distance, not only by color (there have been as many as 13 chestnut horses in that same field) but by his markings, his tail, his head in profile, his distinctive walk, his top line, his bottom line, his stance when grazing...in short I recognize my horse:

Not just a horse out standing in his field but my horse, Rudy.

Just a note about Rudy: He is a shrimp by comparison to the two thoroughbreds above, being only 14.2 hands high. He could be considered a pony, until you get on his back and take him down the trail. Then you realize that his heart and his mind and his character are bigger than his whole body.

* a hand is four inches, about the width of a man's hand. A horse is measured from the top of the withers to the bottom of the hoof while standing square on level ground. Anything less than a hand is expressed in inches. Thus 15.2 hands equals 62 inches meaning that Secretariat's withers were 5 feet, 2 inches above the ground and that Man O War by the same measure was 5 and half feet. Someone asked me why the measurement was not taken to the top of the head, whereupon I tickled Rudy's ears and he stretched up like a giraffe. "Oh," said my questioner, "I see."

The BADDEST GOOD WIZARD

Turns out there's no contest:

Gandalf kicks butt on all other fantasy wizards.

Here's the head to head comparisons:

1. Gandalf vs. Dumbledore - Gandalf is a few thousand years old compared to Dumbledore's 100 plus. Gandalf's got the bigger staff AND he comes back from the dead after falling into a bottomless pit with a demon of pure flame. Dumbledore can't even cope with being poisoned, hit with a death spell and falling off a tower.
2. Gandalf vs. Yoda - Should be obvious that in a real knockdown, Gandalf would wipe the floor with Yoda's puppety little ass. Plus Gandalf knows more languages, including Elven and Moth.
3. Gandalf vs. Harry Dresden - Dresden's definitely a contender. He's got the big staff, resurrects nicely PLUS he rides bareback on a dinosaur whereas Gandalf has to settle for an extremely cool white horse who just happens to be the King of all Horses. The claim that Dresden is "Gandalf on crack" however is marketing bullshit. Dresden's your guy if you want a building burned down, but Gandalf has more tricks up his sleeve including healing Kings, deterring Nazgul, hiring burglars, etc. Gandalf is the guy you'd trust with a DIVINE MISSON; Dresden's one of those noir gumshoes. Gandalf's crafty: he makes awesome dragon-shaped fireworks, blows incredible smoke rings and he's truly wise, not just a wiseass.

Gandalf gets it all done in four books, which are so stupendous that they've never been translated onto the screen in their entirety. Our contender for second place, Harry Dresden is up to 13 books, a TV series and a bunch of short stories. Dumbledore was in seven books which required eight movies. Quantity is not the same thing as quality, people. And Yoda was just a big screen phenom, ya know--nowhere without a special effects man. 


We thank the correspondent who posed the question and leave him with the FINAL word: Get a life, man, or at least out in the fresh air once in awhile!  

comparing the bad guys