Tapping Congress with a Wrench

Whoo hoo! So the threat of government shut down has been averted for...another week? Or until November 8?


Whoo the heck who! Who potty-trained these people? I'm sitting here with a copy of the US Constitution. Section 8 spells out the powers of Congress and the very first line says:

The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States...


But apparently modern Congress is reading this a different way:

Congress shall take an oath never to raise Taxes, especially on the people who donate to our campaigns; Congress will routinely threaten to default on debts authorized by previous Congresses and will do all possible to damage the faith and credit of the United States. Congress will ignore the greater good of the nation because it is time to go home and have a recess. Congress will argue over every "continuing resolution" and create crisis after crisis.


I've looked. I just don't see the above section in any part of the Constitution.

School children can and should enjoy recess. Adults, however, are required to work until the job is done. Congress has not passed a Budget in many, many years. A Budget says: here's how much money we have and here are the bills that have to be paid; here's where we will invest for the future and here's where we will cut back on what is not working. I know that unexpected things happen; when they do, one should pass special funding measures--put more money into disaster relief or fight a war. My problem is that Congress is not doing its job. The Congress is supposed to hash out priorities, root out corruption and look to the future.

Congress isn't doing this. In a previous blog, I talked about the effect of safe districts, the distraction of fund raising and the drag of Senate procedure. None of that crap is going to be fixed soon, so how do we, the voters, tap on Congress to get the stuck engine to restart?


Call and ask your Representative in the House why he is not in Washington when the work of the nation has not yet been done. Tell him you don't want to see his sorry ass in the district until Congress has passed a budget to fund the government for a full fiscal year.

House of Representatives - 
(type your zip in the corner to look up your own member if you don't know)

Tell him that the Congressional gym needs to be padlocked, the hot water heaters turned off in the House and Senate bathrooms and legislative staff needs to be laid off before one productive government employee is cut loose. Tell him federal roads and bridges need to be repaired, no matter what, because we are stuck using the roads until Congress can come up with an alternative. Tell him air traffic controllers are still needed to keep order in the sky and effective security measures needed to keep passengers and planes safe. Tell him that the national park system is a treasure that puts money in the nation's pocket. The Grand Canyon and the foreign tourists it attracts is $$$$ in the bank now and for the future. Tell him that 600,000 top security clearances* is too many; that is wasteful, costly and no way to keep the nation's secrets. It is yet another symptom that Congress is not overseeing the nation's intelligence community. The list of good things that the government does is long, despite the critics of government.

Tell your member of Congress that just as a kid doesn't get a recess until his homework is done, he shouldn't be taking one until Congress does its first, most basic job: pass a budget! I'm not even calling for a balanced budget at this point! Pass a budget that allows the mundane work of the government to get done, the bills to get paid and then fight over the big areas where the right and left disagree. Until this basic task is done, members of the House should eat take-out in the Capitol, sleep on the floor of the Chamber and work without stopping UNTIL THE JOB is done.

Same goes for the Senate.

To my Congressman, I love you. You actually had the guts to vote against Bush's ill-advised war with Iraq. Sorry, but you should stay in school with all the bad kids and the class cut-ups and do all you can to help them do their job. It's one of those times that nobody graduates or gets a pass to the next grade UNTIL the job is done.

*Washington Post - Top Secret America

How to Fix Congress

In response to my previous column on duct tape, a correspondent has asked if duct tape can't fix Congress would the "other method" help?

The other method of fixing things is to spray the object with WD-40 and then hit it with a wrench. I do not believe that this would help Congress as this is basically the same thing as "term limits". People, and all evidence shows that Congress is composed of people, cannot be improved with WD-40 and blunt instruments.

Nor is the solution to vote out the idiots we currently have and put in new idiots. Past history shows that the new idiots, once they learn enough to be useful, start acting just like the old idiots. This is an indication of systemic failure. What we see now in Congress is the result of forces, some of them present from the earliest days of the Republic, some the result of procedural changes in the Senate and some from forces outside government.

Three changes could be made that would make Congress a functioning institution again:

1. ABOLISH GERRYMANDERING - "Gerrymander" is one of those colorful American coinages to describe the practice of drawing up voting districts to benefit a political party. What happens is that as the state legislature redraws the political map after every census, "safe districts" are carved out, often by mutual agreement. Notable instances include the "earmuff" shape of the 4th Congressional District in Illinois and the 2003 lobster-shaped Texas District 22 which sent Tom DeLay to Washington. Gerrymandering reduces voter turnout, hardens partisan politics and discourages real campaigning. It is also against the law. The only solution is for voters to keep an eye on the process and to sue to have the law enforced. We shouldn't have to, but gerrymandering or "packing and cracking" are corrupt practices. Lots worse than tweeting pics of your naked abs.

Geographic definition and History of the Term

wikipedia on Gerrymandering -See Examples to view the Earmuff and the Lobster

2. REFORM SENATE PROCEDURES - Jimmy Stewart starred in a wonderful movie "Mr Smith Goes to Washington" where he played a young Senator filibustering to save the Boys Ranch. The modern filibuster does not work like that. First, the Senate only takes up business by unanimous consent, so one member can delay the consideration of a bill. This is why necessary legislation to re-authorize the FAA was not passed this year. The Senate also allows secret or "Mae West Holds". See the Mae West Hold --is that a banana in your pocket, Bill? This was used by the Democrats late in Bush's last term against some of his court appointments and by the GOP against Obama to prevent him from making appointments after he took office. The federal department that oversaw the oil companies and offshore drilling leases was one affected by this--so nobody was watching what BP was doing out in the Gulf. Finally, Senate rules allow multiple filibusters on the same issue, so a filibuster can be mounted against a vote to close debate on a bill  (cloture) and then on the bill itself. Senators don't have to actually filibuster either, just threaten to do so. As a result, the Senate doesn't take up many small bills, examine each one closely and pass or vote them down on their merits. Leadership cobbles together huge omnibus bills in the hopes that something in the separate parts will appeal to enough Senators that the creature will pass. This makes for sausage and not for good legislation. The solution: pass rules that make the filibuster the last resort rather than the first partisan option, abolish secret holds, and do away with multiple filibusters. If a Senator wants to hold up Senate business, let him (or maybe someday her) do so. But make him stand on his own two feet in the full light of day in front of the TV cameras and actually filibuster -- just like Jimmy Stewart. The filibuster is a useful tool that the minority has to force reconsideration on some topic. It is not useful when it is used all day, every day, in secret, to thwart the will of the people and to uphold secret and special interests.

3. ELIMINATE THE BIGGEST SOURCE OF LAWMAKER DISTRACTION - we elect people to Congress and send them to Washington to represent us, pass good laws and to consider the greater interest of America. Sadly, once they are there, each Representative is faced with the certainty that in two years, he or she will be running for office again. Three-term Congressman Scotty Baesler of Kentucky noted that in 1993 at his orientation for the House of Representatives, he was advised to spend from 4-6 hours every day raising funds for his next campaign. Running for office has only gotten more expensive since then. Our lawmakers do not have time to make laws; they must now fund-raise full time. With big corporate money and no limits, the ordinary voter has scant chance of being heard in the halls of power because his or her Congresspeople are always on the phone to the folks who have the $$$$$. Until this issue is addressed, all grassroots attempts to "take back Washington for the people" will fail.

Scotty Baesler, basketball player, mayor, Kentucky politician - a guy I admire, sadly, no longer in Congress

The price of freedom is eternal vigilance, true. But largest threats to our American republic are always internal: corruption and lack of compromise. Only Congress can take the steps to fix Congress; it is up to the American public to put firecrackers in Congress's shoes and force them to dance the macarena.

Sticky Topic

A correspondent has sent an urgent request for information on Duct Tape.

Some things need to be made clear, right off the bat. Duct tape is not for ducks although it is sometimes called "Duck Tape". Duck Tape is a company that makes duct tape and they sponsor a competition for the most stylish prom wear made from duct tape. Really. Duct tape is used for quick repairs to cars, horses' hooves, clothing and equipment of all sorts. The cheapskate handyman's rule of thumb is: if it is stuck and it shouldn't be, WD40 it and if it has come unstuck, duct tape it. Even the high-tech iPhone 4 needed a duct tape fix:
if I'm left handed I have to hold it that way

Duct tape is said to have started as a military product to repair ammunition cases, and of course it was also used to repair jeeps and as a temporary bandage for wounds. Soldiers brought it home and used it around the house. When someone's cubicle at work needs to be filled with packing peanuts, duct tape is the tool of choice to seal the deal. Even NASA has used it for those vital bodge jobs in space: Duct tape on the moon

Similar products include things like gaffer tape. In Australia and New Zealand, what they call duct tape is different. If you give me money for a plane ticket and some expense money, I'll go check that out. In North America, duct tape refers to "Strong, cloth-backed, waterproof adhesive tape" usually in silver or gray but coming in at least thirty other colors and patterns such as pink zebra. See
a wide selection of colors

All these colors mean that it can be used in a variety of craft and art projects. Almost fashionable clothing, dorky wallets and shoes, a desperation bike lock and a sofa that can no longer be harmed can be seen at this link:
OMG these people are creative...but totally lacking in taste

There is a persistent rumor that duct tape can remove warts. The study that disproved this was flawed, say the wart-removal adherents, because the scientists used clear duct tape and only the traditional silver color, which is rubberized will work. TheFinalWord does not have any warts to test this claim on but notes that if a seven inch strip of duct tape is torn off the roll it will make an effective gag for the person telling you to put duct tape on your warts. No, really, this is a serious study, duuude...

The US Post Office discourages the use of duct tape on packages. People do use it and then laugh themselves sick thinking about the struggles of the recipient to open the package. (And yes, dear correspondent, I did get the box okay, but I have not yet opened it due to fatigue, extreme fatigue, you have no idea how tired I am of looking at that damn box with the damn duct tape.) The post office complains that duct tape messes up their scanners and also gently hints "Use tape that is designed for shipping. Do not use gift wrapping, cellophane tape, duct tape and masking tape as these are not strong enough to withstand temperature fluctuations during transit." It seems unfair to lump duct tape with such namby-pamby products. I believe the real issue is that when duct tape comes unstuck from its original box, it tends to stick to something else such as other mail, the mail man and the mail truck or even the mail box and possibly the post office itself...which is in bad enough shape.

Another use of duct tape that is strongly discouraged is duct taping the door of the dorm room shut and then pulling the fire alarm. This is against the law. For true amusement, put a roll of duct tape in the toilet paper holder at the party. The drunker everybody is, the funnier this will be.

Sadly, the one thing that duct tape is no good at is sealing ducts. The magic boffins at Berkley have said so and I do believe them: If it QUACKS like a duct

P.S. Simple instructions for making a rose from duct tape :Make a Rose

I had a cat once.

I had a cat:

 A veritable terror to songbirds
 Able to catch fast rabbits in a single bound
 Slayer of mice
 Nightstalker
 She-who-vanishes-into-the-blinds
 to sit in the window
 tail hanging out
 God created this companion
 That I might know what it is
 To stroke the tiger

 Long haired Calico
 Of small stature
 Large purr
 Prone to skin conditions
 that required thorough shampooing
 She complained vociferously but never used her claws
 She enjoyed burrowing into the laundry
 and being made into the bed when new sheets were put on
 She was
 that kind of cat...
 An epic in couplet form
 Unrhymed, unmetered, written entirely in free verse
 kind of cat...

 Genki Kiki -- 1983 to 2001 -- the birds now sing without fear.

Storms happen.

Thunder and lightning, the sky grim and dark
Ancient trees groan and crack

Sun shines again on the show grounds,
revealing broken trees, the jump course flattened,
the dressage course in ruins,
and the Porta-Potty lies on its side...

But the rainbow offers a thin consolation...

And the volunteers are called and show up early. The organizer rebuilds the dressage arena. The jump course is set up once more. The technical delegate gives his blessing. The Porta-Potty is righted and hosed out. And...
The show goes on as scheduled.










If this had happened in Washington DC, the Republicans and the Democrats would still be arguing over who was to blame for the storm and trying to score "points" for the next election. They'd be debating whether the show was worth having. Fixing things always seems to fall to the ordinary people. You didn't see any politicians rushing into the burning buildings on 9/11 to try to rescue the victims. If we have to be our own firemen and stand fast against the hard times, it is a bad idea to question the religion, the politics or the sincerity of the guy who is handing you the bucket!

Horse Art and the Originals

Statue to Secretariat - at the entrance to the Visitor's Center

Kentucky Horse Park - Lexington, Kentucky

A dramatic life-size depiction of the great racing legend of our time, this lovely statue also pays tribute to Secretariat's trainer Lucien Laurin and his jockey Ron Turcotte.  The bowed energy of the neck, the thrust of the stride...one sees the racehorse. Here's a wonderful clip, a little grainy and rough, that replays the 1973 Belmont which shows Secretariat going out head to head with the "speed" horses who were supposed to wear him down, duel with the great Sham all down the backstretch and finally distance the pack in the most incredible race I have ever seen if my life:

CBS: 1973 Belmont

Man O'War

This huge statue is 1 and a quarter times life size. Man O'War was a big horse, as a three-year old measuring out at 16.2 hands*. His statue looks to be something like 20 hands high. I know draft horses that big, but Man O'War would not have been as effective a racehorse if he had been that large. Secretariat was "only" 15.2. Not only is that average size for a modern riding horse but that is probably close to ideal.  The Man O'War statue above was commissioned to mark his grave originally on the Riddle farm. Mr. Riddle located it near a road and kept it open to the public, a gallant gesture to the fans of this wonderful horse. The grave and statue, along with the graves of Man O'War's most famous sons, including War Admiral, were moved to the entrance of the Kentucky Horse Park in the early years after the park's founding. Suburban construction and urban sprawl have rolled over the old Riddle farm, but I will never forget seeing this statue in its original setting. One parked at the roadside and walked down an avenue of trees which opened out in a stately circle of dark evergreen. The statue appeared larger and more imposing in that closed setting and one could get closer to it than is presently allowed. Here's a brief commentary on Man O'War's life and times that stitches together old newsreels so we can catch a glimpse of this champion in action and in retirement:

Magnificent Man O'War

Thoroughbred Park
in downtown Lexington Kentucky

This enchanting natural-looking group of statues crowns the little hill on this small park across from the offices of the Lexington Herald Leader. A couple of mares watch over some frisky foals in what looks like a lovely pasture. This is a great park for fans of horse-related art. At street level there's a life-size race going on and there's also a small frequently-overlooked statue of the great foundation sire Lexington. For comparison purposes, I have found a lovely video of a mare and a foal performing for the camera. The mare is responding to signals given by the woman in black in the field; the foal is responding to his mama like a good boy; the audio is suppressed so we don't hear the women clicking to the mare or the thunder of the horse's feet.

Mare and foal

To a horse person, no horse is a generic animal. Yet frequently in art what we see is a generic depiction of a horse. Both the racehorses above were portrayed as real individuals. The mares and foals are generic. I can recognize my own horse in the field at a distance, not only by color (there have been as many as 13 chestnut horses in that same field) but by his markings, his tail, his head in profile, his distinctive walk, his top line, his bottom line, his stance when grazing...in short I recognize my horse:

Not just a horse out standing in his field but my horse, Rudy.

Just a note about Rudy: He is a shrimp by comparison to the two thoroughbreds above, being only 14.2 hands high. He could be considered a pony, until you get on his back and take him down the trail. Then you realize that his heart and his mind and his character are bigger than his whole body.

* a hand is four inches, about the width of a man's hand. A horse is measured from the top of the withers to the bottom of the hoof while standing square on level ground. Anything less than a hand is expressed in inches. Thus 15.2 hands equals 62 inches meaning that Secretariat's withers were 5 feet, 2 inches above the ground and that Man O War by the same measure was 5 and half feet. Someone asked me why the measurement was not taken to the top of the head, whereupon I tickled Rudy's ears and he stretched up like a giraffe. "Oh," said my questioner, "I see."

The BADDEST GOOD WIZARD

Turns out there's no contest:

Gandalf kicks butt on all other fantasy wizards.

Here's the head to head comparisons:

1. Gandalf vs. Dumbledore - Gandalf is a few thousand years old compared to Dumbledore's 100 plus. Gandalf's got the bigger staff AND he comes back from the dead after falling into a bottomless pit with a demon of pure flame. Dumbledore can't even cope with being poisoned, hit with a death spell and falling off a tower.
2. Gandalf vs. Yoda - Should be obvious that in a real knockdown, Gandalf would wipe the floor with Yoda's puppety little ass. Plus Gandalf knows more languages, including Elven and Moth.
3. Gandalf vs. Harry Dresden - Dresden's definitely a contender. He's got the big staff, resurrects nicely PLUS he rides bareback on a dinosaur whereas Gandalf has to settle for an extremely cool white horse who just happens to be the King of all Horses. The claim that Dresden is "Gandalf on crack" however is marketing bullshit. Dresden's your guy if you want a building burned down, but Gandalf has more tricks up his sleeve including healing Kings, deterring Nazgul, hiring burglars, etc. Gandalf is the guy you'd trust with a DIVINE MISSON; Dresden's one of those noir gumshoes. Gandalf's crafty: he makes awesome dragon-shaped fireworks, blows incredible smoke rings and he's truly wise, not just a wiseass.

Gandalf gets it all done in four books, which are so stupendous that they've never been translated onto the screen in their entirety. Our contender for second place, Harry Dresden is up to 13 books, a TV series and a bunch of short stories. Dumbledore was in seven books which required eight movies. Quantity is not the same thing as quality, people. And Yoda was just a big screen phenom, ya know--nowhere without a special effects man. 


We thank the correspondent who posed the question and leave him with the FINAL word: Get a life, man, or at least out in the fresh air once in awhile!  

comparing the bad guys

Inspiration to help quit smoking...

 Missing from this picture: Tobacco.

Horses now graze in "The Tobacco Field" at Antebellum Farm. All the area

between the rider and the tree line used to be devoted to tobacco production.

It's almost Tobacco Harvest time for my old hometown of Lexington, KY but just as the fields of tobacco in the surrounding countryside have nearly vanished because of the 2004 tobacco quota buyout program, most of the old tobacco warehouses have been torn down. Gone is the oppressive haze that used to hang over the city as the tobacco crop was hauled in. I don't miss it.

Growers of tobacco have just a few short weeks to sign up. The deadline is November 1, 2011.The Depression Era system of quotas and subsidies has been dismantled and money for the buyout comes from tobacco manufacturers and importers. To read more on the ending of tobacco quotas, subsidies and the Fair & Equitable Tobacco Reform Act of 2004:  http://www.fsa.usda.gov/FSA/webapp?area=home&subject=toba&topic=landing


Lexington and the rest of the nation has been inching towards a smoke-free economy for some time. Cigarettes are now made from imported tobacco.Think about that. When every farm grew a little tobacco or sold their quota to another grower, harvesting was done by seasonal labor. Now all that goes overseas to huge farms and who knows what abuses are being committed against the workers and what is getting put on the crop?

Ick. Tobacco is a nasty plant whether growing in the field, hanging in the barn or being hauled to the warehouse. But the stuff that gets put on tobacco?

Quoting from dear old Wikipedia: "In the United States, tobacco is often fertilized with the mineral apatite, which partially starves the plant of nitrogen, to produce a more desired flavor. Apatite, however, contains radium, lead 210, and polonium 210—which are known radioactive carcinogens."

Yum. 

In addition the tobacco plants get sprayed with insecticides in the middle of the summer. The idea is to wait until the weather is dry so rain doesn't wash the insecticides off. They didn't wash the plants when they harvested them--they just dried them off and "cured" them. However, the insecticide on the tobacco doesn't really matter. The tobacco plant can be used to MAKE insecticides.

It seems strange that an insecticide-producing plant would have problems, but tobacco gets eaten by some of the most grotesque critters outside a science fiction horror flick. Take a peek if you dare:


http://eppftpserver.ag.utk.edu/profiles/tobacco/insects/hornworm.htm

So if the US crop was fertilized with radioactive junk, loaded with insecticide outside and inside and was still eaten by gross creatures, just imagine what could be in the overseas tobacco that will be in your cigarettes tomorrow. How does chewing tobacco instead of smoking sound now?

The Persistence of Daffodils

Let us persist like daffodils

Relentless every spring

Waiting out the dark and cold

To resurrect from where we are buried

To mirror the sun

And kiss the wind.

Again.

And again.

And again, infinitely again.

Years after we have been planted

Still to awaken

and say:

Amen.

Amen.

Waiting

Thirteen-Pound Dog tied to Half-Ton Truck

 

How much of our lives do we spend waiting? Waiting for Christmas to come? Waiting for the rain to be over, the light to change, to hear the results of the test, to see if we got the job, won the lottery, etc. etc. etc.

To anticipate life like that is to fail to live it fully. Waiting should be a process, not a pause. Good things do come to those who sow the seeds and wait for the harvest to come in. It takes discipline and faith to live in the moment, to embrace waiting and to use it to advance our spiritual progress.

Observe this darling little fuzzy dog. Her owner placed her in a sit-stay and then for good measure tied her leash to the rear view mirror of a battered half-ton pickup truck. She sits alertly, awaiting the return of her owner, patience personified. Are you observing the little fuzzy dog?

Great! Keep an eye on her while I run down to the Porta-Potty, will you? Otherwise she's likely to chew through the leash and steal someone's lunch. Some of us can wait with patience; others don't put up with that garbage.

(dedicated to my beloved Pomeranian Tara, I still miss her. Believe me, the half ton truck wasn't overkill. )

Friendship

We don't have to be alike to be friends.

Leaving the absolutely adorable qualities of this picture aside, what can these two critters teach us?

Well, the most important quality for friendship is making the effort. These two buddies aren't the same color, size or species. They eat different things and have a different view of life. But if the cat jumps up on the package of compressed shavings and the horse puts his head down, they can exchange a friendly nuzzle and/or head bump.

Befriending people of different backgrounds, interests and beliefs opens windows if not doors. If you won't be friendly with someone unless they are an exact duplicate of yourself, you don't want a friend, you just want a mirror to admire yourself in. I especially value those friends who may have different political or religious beliefs or who have differing life experiences. They never fail to give me a window into their world, which can be valuable for a writer who wants her characters to be diverse, entertaining and believable. My friends introduce me to new interests, ideas and hobbies and make my life more interesting.

All that might be obvious, but there's one more aspect to consider. If you are the cat, be careful around the horse's hooves, because horses can't see what is under their noses. If you are the horse, don't let the cat sleep on your back*--not that there's anything morally wrong with that arrangement but if the horse spooks and the cat digs its claws in than there may be breakage in the stable.

In other words, be respectful of the innate differences and then be friendly.

*Yes, I knew a horse that permitted his cat buddy to do this.

Body Language

Between Dressage and Jumping--Antebellum Farm Show August 2011

Here's an intimate moment in the midst of the hustle and bustle of a little farm show. The man (trainer, husband or boyfriend?) has both hands up undoing the knot of the show stock dickey. The rider, having finished dressage is now preparing for the next step in her Combined Training Division. She's got her formal black jacket in her left arm. Her attention is focused on the jump course. Notice how her spine and balance curve ever so slightly to the right and look at how the horse echoes and amplifies her body. His ears are submissively rolled back towards his rider. He stands on three legs, motion arrested, ready to go but relaxed. The rein between his mouth and his rider's hand is slack.

The horse is aware of the man on the ground; it's one reason why he stands with that hind leg trailing. The guy on the ground is only wearing tennis shoes; he's in range of being stepped on but seems obvious to the danger. The trust goes all ways between our three subjects. Each has a job to do; each is working for that common goal: to get that woman a ribbon!

I like this photograph because the trio at the center form a classical composition. They look like a model for some heroic equestrian statue. The horse is lovely, sleek from grooming and happy in his work. His rider's legs embrace him. Whatever his relationship to her, the man on the ground is helping the woman in the saddle. One can see that there's considerable activity in front of them with the jump course set out in the field. Just behind them is the dressage ring, a wash rack, a busy barn, me at the pickup truck running the show office and all the usual pandemonium.

On keeping still....

THE I CHING says: 

Mountains standing close together:

The image of KEEPING STILL,

Thus the superior man does not permit his thoughts to go beyond his situation.

My dog likes to meditate at dawn, while the world is still new and fresh, to sit in some shady spot like a sage under the bodhi tree and contemplate. What he thinks about I do not know, but I try to emulate his stillness, his attention and his whole way of being...sometimes I think my dog is a better Buddhist than I am.

Often when passions fly in the political arena, and cries go up for instant action on some burning issue or other, I think it helps to go away from all the noise and think about it. Does the purposed action really solve the problem? Is it fair? Will it cause harm...or more precisely, who is it meant to harm? What are the long term consequences? What are the true benefits?

Presidential debates are a good idea. I think it is an excellent way for the electorate to see and judge the candidates under pressure. Leadership in human beings does not go to the strongest or to the one with the sharpest teeth. We are a unique animal in that leadership is often determined by the ability to speak well under pressure.

I have a modest proposal: there also ought to Presidential Meditations. The ability to sit still for thirty minutes at a time, to listen to the heart of being and to practice awareness would be a real asset and would eliminate the impatient, the impulsive and the immature. I'm afraid it wouldn't play so well on TV, however.

Let's Paper Over This Controversy

A correspondent has begged for a FINALword ruling on an issue so fraught, so controversial that most angels dare not tread and even the devil hesitates. The two warring sides are so far apart that the Dalai Lama, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, the Pope and George Bush Senior would not be able to bring about a reconciliation even if they tried.

To put the matter simply: when placed on the holder, should bathroom tissue hang out or face the wall?

In my extensive research which spanned the entire globe and all the wisdom of the ancients (or at least as much of it available under a single Google search), I found that the overwhelming majority of internet pundits favor letting bathroom tissue hang out as represented by this very serious person's scientific study:

http://currentconfig.com/2005/02/22/essential-life-lesson-1-over-is-right-under-is-wrong/

The science of this study is incontestable. The over position or "hanging out" wins hands down and is preferred by the vast majority of current pundits.

Notwithstanding, the vocal minority of the Up-Against-The-Wall School assert (because they are a pain in the butt they HAVE to assert) that their position is favored by God. They also maintain that America's Founding Fathers all preferred the Against the Wall approach. This is the Gee Oh Pee dogma.

Despite an overwhelming majority, the "Let It All Hang Out" or Demo-craps just can't find a way to work with the Gee Oh Pees. I call on people of good will from all sides of this debate to see reason, otherwise this great country is doomed to go down the toilet.